Alan, who was in his late 40s, felt powerless, trapped and unfulfilled by his inability to make a decision.
Alan felt that he’d never made a decision for himself in his life; his uncle got him into college when he didn’t know what to do after school, his wife more or less forced him up the aisle and his sister got him his first job. Alan’s tendency to be pushed into decisions and habit of always fulfilling the wishes of those around him had left him feeling lifeless, powerless and incapable of making a decision.
As he approached his 50s, Alan was increasingly afraid of ‘settling for another twenty years of drifting’. He was suffering from arthritis, tinnitus and carpal tunnel syndrome; his suppressed emotions were manifesting themselves as physical pain.
Alan’s daily routine consisted of work, TV and sleep. His marriage was fraught and, although he and his wife didn’t fight and argue, they would get upset with one another and not talk for days. Whenever their went off their annual holiday together, they ended up snapping at and criticising one another, which always resulted in disappointment.
Alan had embarked on a couple of affairs, but they hadn’t fulfilled him or changed anything. When asked how and why the relationships had come about, he had no real clue. The other woman had always made the first move and Alan had been too weak to say no. He felt empty, that his life was empty and as if he was trapped.
I worked with Alan to address each of his issues in turn; depression, anger, abuse, worry, stress, resentment and regret. One by one, he experienced a sense of release on each of them, yet he was still struggling. I find that the consultations I have with a client have a cumulative effect, which is why it’s so important to book a course and deal with each of your issues (blocks) in turn. Usually, a few days after a session, the next issue naturally rises to the surface.
When I worked with Alan on ‘being analytical and logical’, it was as if the floodgates had opened. It became apparent that Alan had lost the ability to feel. He didn’t know how he was feeling, or how his wife and children were feeling. He had somehow turned off the ability to feel, which is innate in each of us.
Once we realised the root cause of Alan’s problems, the change in him was remarkable. He stopped taking the medication for depression that he’d been using for the last four years. He stopped visiting the psychiatrist who, in his words, ‘just kept going back to his childhood memories’. Alan was getting sick of churning up his past, which was making him feel worse about his life and himself. His psychiatrist told him early on in their sessions that he was paranoid, which really didn’t help!
Alan had always wanted to sing, and so he started singing in clubs and pubs. This year, he’s producing a CD of his favourite songs, and he’s also starting to earn enough money from singing to give up his day job.
Alan and his wife went for a romantic break in Paris to mark Valentine’s weekend this year and are more in love than ever.
He now makes his own decisions and trusts his feelings. Alan is more open to other people, to opportunities and to life in general because he’s in tune with his feelings and no longer shut off to the outside world.